April 4th, 2007

Ranty goodness

Snob moment

I should preface this by saying that I'm going to be mean and nasty in the following rant, you have been warned.

You know people who say things like "I don't care if the movie has a story, I just want a cool ride" and other such dumb shit? Yeah, I hate those people. People like that have killed entertainment for those of us who like stories and plots and character development. Their total shit munching attitude has made film makers abandon things like plausibility, or even sentences that make any kind of sense. They just want a good ride, with lots of noise to fuel their need for constant novelty and lack of attention. They don't read, they rarely watch any kind of news, they never think about anything beyond when they can go out and get drunk again. And yet, these semi-retarded fuck wads are the same people who can't figure out why their precious little Johnny can't read, or write, or do anything but sit in his room furiously masturbating, screaming his name and claiming he's the fifth lord of hell*.

These are also the douche suckers who babble through the whole damn movie anyway, which is why they don’t notice huge gaping plot holes and non-sense sentences strung together. They aren't even paying attention, because they're brains clearly no longer work and are incapable of reasonable though. These are the people who bring 3 year olds into R rated movies folks. Those people are fuckers, and I want horrible things to happen to them. Things like... well the lives they are undoubtedly living will do nicely, so long as they are banned from the theaters from now on as well.


I did say it was going to get nasty.

*Fancy's Note: You can sort of tell the whole rant was built around this sentence, can't you?
  • Current Music
    Ookla The Mok - Dollar Fifty Movies

My love is explosive

Normal flowers don;t do it for me. From now on, I will give all flowers via cannon!

Strangely, there is a product on the marker to help me

Rose Petal Cannon

There are still people starving in Africa, but strangly I no longer care.
  • Current Music
    Dar Williams - It Happens Every Day
Mike chew


With Grindhouse coming out this weekend, I’m thinking that we’re going to suddenly see a lot of neophytes pretending to be experts on the genre. This is funny in a way, because grindhouse isn’t a genre, it’s a theater. They were low rent crappy theaters that ran the kind of movies nice theaters wouldn’t touch. Low budget, exploitation films with lots of blood, gore and long stretches where nothing happens because they couldn’t afford to do anything but sit around and talk.

These were not the sort of theaters that nice girls with white cotton panties went to in order to see the latest Audrey Hepburn movie. The movies these places showed had a girl who looked kind of like Audrey Hepburn getting raped and or killed. These were the dingy places that showed the sort of things you can only get on video these days.

My point though, is now we’ll see a lot of people sitting around discussing what is or is not a “Grindhouse” film when the only thing that makes something a “Grindhouse” film is that it was likely to be shown in a grindhouse theater. Cheap, ugly, badly acted and inexpertly directed aren’t the hallmarks of a grindhouse film. Being shown in cheap drive-ins and theaters with sticky (just PRAY that’s soda) floors, broken seats and almost out of focus projectors are the only real criteria.

I’m not really a fan of any of the kind of films that showed in the grind houses (save for possibly the Chambara films), but I am a fan of proper definitions, and having gone through the re-definition of Film Noir that went on in primarily through the 90s I feel for the guys who love this exploitative schlock. I know that if Grindhouse does well, then they will have to endure the kind of nitwits I had to endure, claiming Nightmare on Elm Street 5 is totally a grindhouse movie, despite the fact that it’s not. Not only that, but you’ll get lots of “Grindhouse Collections” on DVD with movies like Smokey and the Bandit 2 being part of it because “Well, it came out about the same time didn’t it?” which is the only explanation I’ve been able to come up with for some of the things that are in Film Noir collections

Even worse, they’re going to have to endure labels like “New Grindhouse” and listen while people explain why the remake of Dawn of The Dead is a perfect example of “New Grindhouse” despite the fact that it isn’t. Not only that, but they’re likely to go hoarse while explaining that no one really used the word “Grindhouse” to describe these movies until 2007 or so.

I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. Its hell. All I can say to the lovers of schlock and exploitation is to batten down the hatches and be strong brothers.

I don’t blame Tarantino or Rodriguez, since they are only doing what they do. Tarantino has been a film junkie forever and has been incorporating disparate concepts of the movies that influenced him into his work since Reservoir Dogs. Rodriguez has been on the vanguard of the “Make it Cheap” mentality of film making his entire career. Both these guys are just doing what could be seen as a natural extension of the work they’ve been doing for years.

I’m just predicting what it seems will happen, within the next few months when people see this movie and start to explore the group of movies that inspired it. Of course, they’ll probably get bored with it and move on to something else in a year or two, so maybe it won’t last too long. I mean let’s face it, even today you’ve got to have a strong stomach to sit through some of the classics at the old Grindhouse.
  • Current Music
    Ookla The Mok - Dollar Fifty Movies


It seems LJ is broxzors* again. If you're getting blank comments, this is why. I read yesterday that there is another big push amongst the "Mommy never hugged me and now I'm going to strike out" style of script kiddies who are launching lots of DOS attacks all over the net. We had a lot of slow down here on our internet because of it, lots of disconnecting and timeouts, some of which is still going on.

Just be aware, I'm sure they'll have it fixed in a couple of hours. Heck if I actually read any of the LJ pages that tell us about these things, I might even be able to tell you what's really going on, but I don't so I guess.

*Fancy's Fun Facts: He means broken, but is trying to sound "hip" and "with it" even though he is "old" and "so out of touch that he has to look out lest he bump into one of the monoliths placed beyond the solar system"
  • Current Music
    Down to the Bone - Touch Of Voodoo