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MEMO: Fancy for VP

Dear John McCain,

Your choice of Palin for VP sort of imploded today, at least it looks like that from here. I would therefore like to suggest a replacement that has as good or even better qualifications than your first choice.

Fancy, The Ruler of the Universe is ready to accept your nomination for Vice President.

Now I know what some of you might be thinking, can Fancy take that roll responsibly? To steal one of Obama’s lines, YES SHE CAN! Of course she can, let’s just have a quick look at her resume shall we?

At the age of eight she is, in cat years, older and more grown up than Obama.

Fancy has really worked her way up from poverty, starting off as a stray in one the bushes outside my parents house, so she knows what sleeping outside in the cold is like.

Fancy is very much a pro-hunting candidate, you should see her go after the ducks on our lawn.

Fancy has NEVER had a sex scandal of any kind, having been fixed as a kitten.

Fancy learned her politics at the feet of Ke’Chara, a most venerated name among the cats around here, who taught her the best way to deal with someone was to either wap it on the head or ignore it.

Fancy has her own chair. HER OWN DAMN CHAIR! Do you understand? No one else can or does sit in that chair, just Fancy. That is executive power. She’s had that chair a lot longer than your current choice has been governor.

Fancy already rules the universe, and should be able to handle being VP just fine. What does that job entail? Sleeping and sometimes biting some lefty liberal type? Sure, she can do that.

Fancy has been to the vet several times, which is just like being a P.O.W. what with the whole being put in a box and having people stick you with things.

Fancy has rubbed up against Russians, Germans, and a few Asian people proving her great international experience. She also has great rapport with minorities, everyone likes Fancy.

Fer the love of waffles, just LOOK AT HER! She’s adorable, it would make Jane Fonda switch sides if she were on the Republican ticket.

She can smack Folly into line, stare Al into line and has even managed to deal with Chou Chou to a certain extent.

Fancy knows that sometimes you’ve got to get resources and is perfectly adept at sitting on the table and staring at people until they give her part of their dinner. She is sure that fund raisers can more or less be handled in this manner.

There is also the well known fact that no one would vote against a kitty. The only hope Obama would have after that would be to dump Biden and try and get a puppy, which is a stupid choice because puppies have no experience and piss all over the floor.

She's waiting for the one meeting you need to decide on a canidate.

‘Nuff said!


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 2nd, 2008 02:30 am (UTC)
What about the rumors I've seen on a number of liberal blogs that say that FANCY LICKS HER OWN BUTT?
Sep. 2nd, 2008 02:40 am (UTC)
It's well known that washing your butt at someone is like saying "go fuck yourself" to them, which makes her as good a choice as Dick Cheney!
Sep. 2nd, 2008 11:47 am (UTC)
Bonus: you can explain to Fancy what being VP means so she doesn't admit to the media she hasn't read her job description!
Sep. 2nd, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
She also can't speak English, so there will be far fewer opportunities to say something stupid on-camera.
Sep. 2nd, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
I don't know if I can support somebody who never raised children. What does Fancy know about family values? Besides, those pics where she licked her butt were pretty concerning.
Sep. 2nd, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
What do you mean, "She never raised children?" She has two adoptive kittens, Folly and Al. I should think that you of all people would recognize the validity of adoption. :P

Sep. 2nd, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
Ah, I thought those were her siblings. Clearly the papers I read were misinformed ;)
Sep. 2nd, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
Damn that liberal media.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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