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For Your Toys Only (Episode 24)

Episode Twenty-Four
Directed by Rob Reiner

I stood at the window of the lodge like room, watching the helicopter begin as a dot and closing in on the place where I stood. The chopper landed and the door facing me flew open. I watched as a smallish figure ran from the helicopter, a large fur lined hood obscuring the head. It was obvious who it was though, and was made more so when her mother came out of the chopper as well. I opened the door when Jenicia came to it and let her in.

She pushed back the hood and showed me a ruddy, glowing face, just getting ready to enter something close to maturity. She smiled at me and hugged me impulsively, pulling away a moment later.

“Hi!” She announced in a breathless tone that spoke of the run at high altitudes she’d just made.

“How did you guys find me?”

“I told mom to put a tracker in the hat.” She said. “Then we’d always know where you were and if you needed help.”

“Did you know?” I asked taking off the hat and looking at it.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “It’s here in the band lining.”

She slipped her fingers into the hat and came up with a flat bit of electronics that I should have spotted several miles away. I took the small flat bit of flexible board and tossed it onto a table next to us. I watched as her mother came into the room and smiled up at her. She was still as beautiful as ever,

“You told him about it?” Liberty asked looking at the small tracking device on the table.

“Oh, come on Mom.” Jen admonished her mother. “He was just keeping it there in case he needed help.”

“Which of course I did.” I said.

“So, now we’ve helped you, what shall we do now?” Liberty asked.

“Can’t we take him home with us?” Jen asked gripping my hand. “You know, we could all spend New Year’s in Paris, just like a real family.”

“Jenicia.” Liberty started.

“Why can’t I have my dad around?” She asked, grabbing at my arm with her other hand. I have to state that I instinctively put my arm around her.

“Did you tell her that as well?” She demanded of me.

“Oh come oooon mom!” Jen rolled her eyes and exaggerated the tone of her voice and extended the o in on for about four or five letters worth, showing off all the exasperation of someone nearly twice her age. “I mean I’m no where near as dumb as you guys seem to think I am. I knew when I was like four, but everyone wanted to protect daddy or something.”

“This is your doing.” Liberty said to me.

“I’ve just been sitting here.” I said.

“It’s your genes.” She folded her arms over her near perfect breasts. “If you were as dumb as I thought you were when I met you I wouldn’t have half the trouble with her that I do.”

“Do not blame me for this.” I said. “I’ve got very little to do with it. My part of creating this child was done in nineteen ninety four.”

“Perhaps.” She admitted. “But your genes are still causing me trouble.”

“Can he come with us?” Jen asked again, trying to prevent the interplay between her parents.

“Yes.” Liberty nodded. “If he wants to. He might have important business things to do though.”

There was a look in her eyes that told me that if I had important business things to do, she would scream and scream and scream. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and looked at it in my left hand. In my paranoia, I’d brought this old phone out and used it instead. I wondered for a moment if K was really listening in on it and that maybe I was just being a fool. I dialed the number of the office anyway, I could let him know where I was.

“Let me make one phone call and then we can go.” I said walking towards the window.

“Yes?” K answered his private phone himself instead of making me wade through a lot of official channels.

“Hi K!” I enthused. “How are you today?”

“Are you in the north of Spain?” K asked.

“You can track me that quickly?” I asked, sounding surprised.

“No.” He said, remaining serious. “I’ve just had a report of French mercs and Santa’s own E.T.U. heading for some mountain top stronghold up there. Since you lied about Germany, I figured I would wait for an explosion of violence and go find you there.”

“You’ve heard about Milan then?”

“Yes.” He said.

“They were bad people.”

“So they were.” K Said. “I’m just wondering if anyone mentioned the secret part of secret service to you.”

“They did.” I said. “But I decided that huge noisy slaughters were probably what the world needed.”

“So what’s going on out there?” K asked. “What do you have to report?”

“Mrs. White is dead.” I told him. “And Church is on the run again.”

“Who did Mrs. White turn out to be?”

“Oh, Christmas.” I told him. “She faked her death.”

“Fuckmonkeys.” K muttered, which proves that I had been rubbing off on him.

“Yeah.” I said. “It’ll be a big damn mess.”

“You’re not going to let this go under the rug are you?”

“No.” I said.

“I guessed not.”

“But I have a solution for you.” I said.


“Yes.” I told him. “I’ll just quit, right here and now. I can’t turn in my weapons because the Walther got lost and the new Berretta I got exploded in Christmas’s hand. You can say you fired me, or I was allowed to resign with dignity, or if you’re feeling puckish you can stand behind everything I did but admit that I was too shattered by these events and took a retirement package or something.”

“Hmm.” K said into the phone.”

“Well, I’ll let you think about it. I’m going to go spend New Year’s with my daughter and her mother in Paris.”

“So what are you doing really then?”

“Oh, that’s really what I’m doing.” I said. “Now that I’ve quit I don’t have to worry about anyone screwing up my plans for me.”

“I see.” K said. “Well I’m not sure how Miss Liddell will take that news.”

“Send her over.” I said. “I’m just hanging out with my daughter, not breaking off relations with her.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” K said. “And Jack?”

“Yes sir?” I asked.

“Thanks for taking care of this.”

“No problem.” I told him. “It’s clearly what I do.”

“Thanks all the same.” He said. “I think I’ll explain you took the early retirement package, they can’t nail me to any of the walls in this country anyway.”

“Good luck sir.”

“Good luck to you too Jack.” He said and we both hung up together.

“Well?” Liberty asked.

“No business anymore.” I said sliding my phone back into my pocket. “I’ve resigned from the firm.”

“Really?” She asked.

“Yeah.” I smiled. “I’m pretty sure I can get another job pretty easily if I need one.”

“Probably.” She laughed for a moment.

“Can we go home now?”

“Yeah.” I nodded to her. “All of us.”


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