 The Politics of Awesome
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Apr. 29th, 2008 @ 11:12 am 
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Proper politics
We now present Political messages from parties you’d probably prefer to vote for.
The Dark Party
The world is a more dangerous place. Wars, food shortages, costumed lunatics and terrorists are rampant. Difficult problems lurk all around, like muggers in a dark alley. Our enemies are a cowardly and superstitious lot, ready to kill you and your family. Who can you trust to fight for you at such a time? Who has the experience? Who will answer the red phone when it rings? Who can protect you and your family? Who can you vote for to save America?
What are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think you should vote for? On November 4th, vote for the Goddamn Batman!
The Tōdōza Party
The problems facing the country seem obvious. You may have found screamed in frustration that even a blind man could see the difficulties we face today. Could it be that ONLY a blind man could see the problems? It’s well known that the blind have greater senses to make up for the loss of their sight, this of course includes a great Common Sense as well.
When you cast your ballot this fall, vote for the man who has no actual sight, but can see things clearly. Vote Zatoichi.
The Interstellar Alliance Party
EXPERIENCE! That’s what America needs right now, an experienced leader. Who is the only person to shoot down a Mimbari ship? Who commanded the White Star? Who came back from Z'ha'dum alive? Who defeated both The Shadows AND Earth Alliance in the same damn season? John Sheridan! That’s who!
John Sheridan is the sort of leader you’re looking for. A man of integrity, a man of action, and a man with a hot Mimbari wife. John Sheridan, he took control of Babylon 5, he’s already been president of the Interstellar Alliance, surely president of America should be a walk in the park for him.
John 'Nuke 'em' Sheridan, because sometimes they’ve had it coming for 4 damn seasons.
The Relax and Have a Party
People are getting too tense, they’re worrying too much, they need a lager and a vindaloo. Dave Lister might not be as smart as some of the other candidates, he might not have as strong a work ethic and he may have never read… a book, but he’s still the best damn space hippy ever to end up as the last representative of humanity.
Dave Lister! What the hell, it could be a laugh.
The Federation Party
Diplomacy. It may be more important now than ever before. The world needs a cool, calm thinker, not a rash cowboy. Jean-Luc Picard is the thinking man’s leader. Jean-Luc Picard has had one of the most diverse command crews out of any of the candidates. Jean-Luc Picard has dealt with more races, more Gods, and more diplomatic situations than any other human living or dead. Through it all, Picard has always found the intelligent and mutually beneficial solution to almost every problem he’s had to deal with. Except the Borg. The Borg have to be machine gunned down.
Jean-Luc Picard, let’s try thinking intelligently for a change.
The Spartan Party
This election, we vote in hell.
THIS IS SPAAARRRTAA!!!!
The Tardis Party
Who has more experience in solving problems than anyone else? Who has a longer track record of diplomacy and intelligent problem solving? Who has an unbroken string of consistently hot side-kicks? Who always has the right tool at the right time? Who can always regenerate incase of an assassin’s attack? Who can survive all difficulties, including BBC cutbacks?
Say it with me… HE IS THE DOCTOR!
The American Party
Some men don’t wear flags on their lapels, while other men wear the flag at their entire outfit. Captain America has always loved this country. Captain America has always protected this country. Captain America named himself after this country. Captain America doesn’t have patriotism, Captain America IS patriotism! America, FUCK YEAH!
The Krypton Party
Truth, Justice and the American Way. For more than half a century, he has stood for all of these and more. As leader of The Justice League, he has consistently kept the world safe from evil. He’s weathered the storms, coming back from death and poor sales. To this day, he’s faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Superman, he’s the leader you’ve been waiting for.
The Treadstone Party
He knows all about government corruption, and he knows how to root it out. He’s done more for our nation in a few years than most men have done in a lifetime. He can always get things done with whatever is at hand, saving money on special equipment. No leader on earth would be able to take him in hand to hand combat.
Jason Bourne is the man to lead this country into the Next Millennia.
The Shadow Party
He knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. He knows that the weed of crime bears bitter fruit. He knows that as we sow evil, so shall we reap evil. The Shadow has been protecting the good people of America longer than any other candidate going. The Shadow has long since been a leader who uses teamwork for the betterment of justice and America at large.
How do we make America great again? How do we protect our country from evil? How can we solve our problems? The Shadows KNOWS!Feeling:  amused What am I listening to?: Prince - Trust |
So would it be wrong to select from this list based only on the voice you most like to hear -- I mean one of the above could actually make a State of the Union Address sexy.
I'm pretty sure it would be okay.
Cool idea, but PLEASE use an lj-cut.
![[User Picture Icon]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/40228984/2702865) |
| From: | ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) beldar |
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| Date: |
April 29th, 2008 03:41 pm (UTC) |
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No war for smeg
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So if I vote for Lister, who is his running mate? Holly for the IQ, or Cat for the good looks?
I'm thinking Ace Rimmer as Secretary of State (or Defense) would definitely help America's image abroad!
![[User Picture Icon]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/15753263/3384090) |
| From: | greyweirdo |
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April 29th, 2008 03:43 pm (UTC) |
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Re: No war for smeg
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Not sure about running mates yet. I was thinking Rimmer would run against Lister as the alternate ticket on that side.
I think Lister would be better as vice president, but I can definitely see him in politics. Someone needs to give the people a good time, after all.
Sorry, slacker; I long ago committed myself to the awesome might of General Zod. If you're smart, you'll do the same... while you still can.
Brilliant. I think my current allegiances lie with the TARDIS party, but I must say that Picard and the Shadow are strong candidates, too.
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